While my meds are working quite well for most aspects of my manic-depression (or is it depressed-mania?), they seem to have activated the shopping gene. I can’t help myself. I have to buy something at least every other day. Not necessarily anything big or expensive, but it does tend to be compulsive and it does add up after a while. Anyway, a recent compulsion was, after purchasing two Leuchtturm1917s, to provide pen loops for
all several of my notebooks (bought during a previous period of hypomania).
I try to fight the urges, but doing so just creates a wave of anxiety that is released only when I buy something. On the other hand, with the current cocktail, I manage to get out of the house (even by myself at times), which opens the whole wide world to me, all the normal things that most people take fully for granted, and I can run errands, go grocery shopping, go to the library, go walking, meet people socially, and generally have a life. Not to mention how much easier it is to work without a ton of meaningless anxiety weighing down on my head. My personal hygiene has improved: I paint my nails, sometimes wear makeup, got my hair cut, and wear things that are not nightclothes. And enjoy it.
Now, this is all much easier to say and deal with because work has picked up. At first, with the extra spending but no extra income, the situation was not quite so copacetic. But not only are things are looking up for future work prospects, but I’ve already had one pretty big gig.
In addition to all of this, I’m actually using the things that I buy, as well as things bought previously, including all those notebooks. I’m keeping up with my bullet journal and started keeping a diary again, for the first time in years (not a crazy one, an orderly, normal one).
In case you are, for some reason, interested. I’ll note that the Leuchtturm pen loops are not only the same price as four of an obscure brand, but they are also made for only the slimmest or very tapered pens. They do, however, tuck in and not stick out as much as the cheaper ones. I reserved the Leuchttturm loops for the Leuchtturm notebooks, and the other brand of loop for my Moleskines.
(Why, yes, I did recently install a tilt-shift photo app on my phone. Did I mention that I’ve started taking pictures again?)